Teach Me How To Love

Appreciate the lessons learned
From the pain they caused
For what I enabled
So the scars are visible 
I don't wear them with pride
Because the memories hurt too much
So I cover them with layers of prayers asking God to set me free

Scared to love
For I fear the cycle will continue 
So I break it
Holding back a little 
Saving a piece of me for me
Because I wasn't strong enough to put all the pieces back together again 
When my mental state was shattered 
I could deal with the physical because that was only superficial 

I couldn't support myself emotionally 
So I relied on my family and a few good friends to carry me.
I've been just fine watching from the sidelines
Guarding my inner peace
I withhold but I try not to hold back because I don't want to push people away 
I just want to keep my distance 
So I can see from a distance with an eye of discernment when you're coming at me the wrong way.

I've been betrayed 
And I'm tired

God teach me how to open up my heart but protect it at the same time 
Teach me how to balance my id and superego without letting my ego get the best of me and blocking what you have destined for me

I'm ready for something new 
Something true 
That's of you

I'm scared to love but I'm willing to learn so teach me.